Answering anger

Today’s ponder states:

There are probably some angry people in your life. Angry people like to take their anger out on others. You can get angry back or what are your other alternatives?

Having lived for nearly 20 years with a very angry person, my previous husband, I know how stressful and damaging it is to live always wondering what is going to start them off. Just about anything does, because they are enslaved to their anger and it has become so much a part of their personality they can’t function outside it.

However I do feel that answering anger with anger is not the right way to go about things. For one thing, on the spiritual level, one only feeds whatever is causing the anger in the first place, making it stronger and the one manifesting the anger even more in bondage to it than before, and perhaps oneself becoming drawn in as well.

Some anger is justified of course, righteous anger against those hurting the weak or other acts of injustice, but most anger starts for selfish reasons. We feel we should be treated better, we have had what we think of as our rights trampled upon, or whatever reason we can come up with to excuse our anger.

What then are our alternatives when we are the victim of the anger of others. I do not believe we should be like a Casper Milquetoast and let people ride all over us. Nevertheless we need to analyze our response, is it based on selfishness and our perceived rights or righteous anger. If the former then walking away is the best thing to do, or if necessary apologize,  but if the latter stand your ground.

Believe me it takes a lot of guts to walk away or refuse to be pulled into an argument, it is much easer to start yelling back. On the other hand to stand up of what is right against the anger of others takes considerable courage.

4 Responses

  1. Not that I am always able to contain my tongue when I get really angry, but I try to find ways to NOT stoke those fires whenever possible -and retaliation -anger for anger -is a sure fire way to rev the level up even more. Plus, the more you say in anger, the harsher the words, the more they cut through to the quick. What may be an angry word but yet seems to the person saying it that it is a “low level” word or expression, maybe something that strikes just the WRONG note with the other person and leaves a marl deep inside that takes forever to heal over, leaving huge scars deep inside the other party. Regardless of the situation -try to pick your words to be gently forceful -not a slam dunk type thing. Verbal abuse is emotional abuse and sometimes healing from that takes much longer than healing from a physical beating. None are good alternatives to maintaining a good life.

  2. My husband is the type of person that doesn’t get angry at anything and he refuses to fight or argue. Pisses me off sometimes. LOL!

  3. Growing up with a dad with a short fuse, a typically angry person at times has made me a person who is rarely angry. Almost a fault because I have had difficulty disciplining the kids even. I’ve noticed too that there’s been times where I’ve had to leave the room if I saw other parents disciplining their kids…I guess it may be the emotional abuse that Jeni speaks of.

  4. Good topic Vic. I have always been pretty quick to anger but get over it fast, if I realize my anger is misdirected or unfair. I do find with age I’m less inclined to get angry over petty things. I think it does help to step back from it when possible. Take care, Carver

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